Bina AND KIKI! The real vampire slayers
by Black and Blue productions
Summary: after a night on the town, two girls find out they are destined to be vampire slayers, and then bring buffy into their world
1. chapter one

As Bina and Kiki were walking up the street to drop off the movie Kiki rented, they were dicussing many wonderfully interesting topics.  
  
"I wonder why they named it the Movie Gallery, I mean, why couldn't they keep it Video Update? Seriously, why would they go through all that trouble just to change the name?"  
  
"It's all about the money, obviously the owners of Video Update didn't have enough to keep it going.....and of course they thought that changing the name would somehow get them more business." Bina replied.  
  
This was just one of the many things the girls were laughing about as they walked up towards the video rental store.  
  
It was when the topic turned to the season premiere of Buffy when everything started to go wrong.  
  
After they dropped off the movie at the place formerly known as "Video Update", Bina was the first to mention his name.  
  
"Spike....... is...... HOT!"   
  
"Very hot."  
  
"Very very very hot!"  
  
"Damn sexy mo fo... hot."   
  
"Kiki, your not a gangster."  
  
"But for the sake of describing the hot vampire god. well, techinically not a god, but my god... yes? I do believe the term mo fo works."  
  
"Oh.......yeah..."  
  
"Can I keep him?" Kiki asked.  
  
"Sure Kiki, if he were a real person? No, I do believe if his character lived in this world then yes, you could keep him, but only for me... hehehe."  
  
"Shut up! What about your boyfriend?"  
  
"Um.... SEXY UNDEAD? HELLLLLLLO! Where have you been lately? Oh yeah, I'm going to stay with my annoying, all knowing geek of a boyfriend when I can have a gorgeous nightling who I could keep for eternity." Bina said.  
  
"Yeah... I suppose your right, but vampires don't even exsist." Kiki sighed.  
  
"Hello? Undead, nightling, vampire-god who is sexy RIGHT HERE!" Said a voice from behind.  
  
As Kiki and Bina turned around to see who it was they found a pale, homely looking man.  
  
"Uh...." Kiki stated.  
  
"I think I speak on behalf of both of us when I ask, who the hell are you?" Bina asked without really caring.  
  
"I am Aidan, a vampire... and I'm going to BITE YOU!"  
  
"uh.....huh..." Bina said as she rolled her eyes and lifted her peirced brow. "Kiki lets go, I think Mr. Drunky McDrunk has had a LITTLE too much to drink." She said taking her larger friend by the arm.  
  
"But... but but," Kiki started, beginning to lose the colour in her face.  
  
"Oh please, like you believe him? I mean John looks more like a vampire then this guy! And that's only cuz he shies away from light... Plus he seems to have a knack for not really caring much for human existance other then well.......me...." Bina said refering to her boyfriend.  
  
Normally Kiki would have said a sly or witty remark to Bina's selfish little speach, however she was worried about the man with the sharp pointy teeth advancing on her friend.  
  
"What is wrong with you? Have you totally lost it, Kiki?" Bina asked, still not understanding her friends problem.  
  
"Habba hubida, the... and with, there is... and such... he's got... oh boy..."   
  
Speaking in the ancient tongue of 16-year-old girls, Bina translated what Kiki had just said.  
  
"The man behind me, if he even is a man, has really big teeth? And is looking at my neck like it is a hampock?"  
  
"Emma lalala... eh... ye..."  
  
"And you think we should run for our lives?"  
  
"Ya, ishpa, oh my, with the... and he's... oh um... he... eh... uh..."  
  
"Yes." Bina said decoding the last message.  
  
"Yes..." Kiki said, finally being able to say a word in the english language.  
  
The girls looked at each other then back to the vampire advancing on them.  
  
"Uh oh..." Bina said as he laughed at them and lifted his arms in a upward motion.  
  
Quickly Kiki kicked him in a not so pleasant place, and began her running. Bina followed swiftly after.  
  
"Where did you learn how to do that?" Bina asked as she caught up, which wasn't very hard, becuase Kiki couldn't run even if her life depended on it, which in this case was proven.  
  
"Um... instinct?" Kiki said looking over to her friend clad in black. Such an unlikely pair they were, even in the darkness of the night.  
  
Kiki and Bina ran as well as they could for a block until Kiki needed her asthma medication.   
  
Bina looked back to see if the Vampire was behind them, only to find he had vanished into the night.  
  
"That was a close one." She remarked, looking at her blonde friend who was gasping for air to fill her lungs.  
  
"Was that what they call a drunken hullicination?" Kiki asked woefully, really scared.  
  
"Maybe," said the calmer Bina, looking back to see again if he was truly gone. "But if so, wouldn't we have to be drunk?" She questioned turning back to smile at her friend.  
  
"I would assume so..." Kiki said looking past Bina. Now both girls had their backs to the direction of Kiki's house.  
  
"Ladies... I was afraid you would miss me..." The familiar voice said behind them.  
  
Both of the young women turned to face their greatest fear of the night. Kiki looked him in the eye.  
  
"What do you want with us?" She demanded, trying to control the tone of her voice.  
  
"Um, hello? Let's evaluate the situation here. A vampire, two young lushious ladies. I want to invite you over for milk and cookies..."  
  
"Oh yummy milk and cookies..." Kiki exclaimed letting her feeble mind wander off topic.  
  
"Really?" Bina asked, hoping his sarcastic tone had been sincere.  
  
"NO!" The vampire said looking at them like they were just stupid cows in need of a good tipping.  
  
"It's not very nice to get peoples hopes up like that..." Kiki said sadly.  
  
"Like you need it..." The vampire remarked.  
  
"Are you saying I'm FAT?" Kiki asked, all of a sudden becoming more stable and showing a bit of temper.  
  
"Well honey, I have seen some pigs with more appealing bodies then you." He said smarmly.  
  
"Oh, you should NOT of done that." Bina said, scared by the look in Kiki's eyes.  
  
"Must, kill, destroy... or maim..." Kiki said, jumping the distance between the man and herself.  
  
They rolled to the ground and she continued to punch, kick and scream at him.  
  
"I AM NOT FAT! I HATE YOU! I DONT KNOW YOU BUT I HATE YOU!!! ITS CHUBBY MOTHER FU..." Kiki was interupted by Bina.  
  
"Uh... I think your forgetting one important detail honey..."   
  
"Yes? What is that?" Kiki asked, already spent by the work out she was recieving by releasing her anger on this unwilling victim.  
  
"HES A VAMPIRE!" Bina shouted in Kiki's face.  
  
"Oh holy tomatoes..." Kiki said lifting herself up from the beaten up Vampire and beginning to run away.  
  
"I shouldn't of told her and just given her something wooden to finish him off..." Bina muttered, before she started her own casual run towards Kiki's house which was only a few blocks left away.  
  
Bina watched as Kiki unsucessfully tried to hurdle herself over the picket fence, having her foot catch the very top and bringing not only her body to the ground face first, but two pickets.  
  
"You little brat, you think you can kill me with your puny fists? I will eat you NOW!" The really unimaginative vampire yelled at the unconcious girl on the ground.  
  
"That was really pathetic you know? It was like you saying 'you go boom now'. Seriously like, sheesh." Bina said behind him with a new found confidence.  
  
When he turned around he saw her standing behind him with the two pickets that Kiki had taken off in her attempt to escape.  
  
"I see, you think you will stab me with wood it will kill me?" He asked casually.  
  
"Yes, yes I do, and then hopefully you will go poof and stuff, cuz I really don't want to be here on a sunday morning cleaning vampire guts off the grass." She said lunging forward not really caring where she stabbed.  
  
It took her seven gruesome times before she hit the heart of the undead creature before her, and he did, as she had so elequently put it, go poof and stuff.  
  
Slowly Bina walked over to a now waking Kiki.  
  
"What happened? Did I miss it? Where is that bastard!" Kiki said, trying to stand.  
  
"It's ok Kik's he's dead. Or more dead then before at least. Now, what were you saying about there not being vampires?" Bina said, helping her friend up and taking her into the house. 


	2. chapter two

YAY! it's our second night together writing about our adventures as slayers! YAY! anywho.... Since so far we are not saying anything techinically about buffy.........yet.... we own this! IN YOUR FACE!!!! ha ha ha.......  
  
ha  
  
Bina and Kiki sat at Kiki's house wondering what had just happened.  
  
"Well I wonder..." Said Bina sarcastically.  
  
"There is obviously such things as vampires." She added.  
  
"Well, DUH!" Kiki said as she iced her forhead that had a nasty lump.  
  
"The thing is, what are we going to do about it?" She then said as she transfered the ice to her knee that was swelling.  
  
"Well what else are we going to other then fight them to like, you know... the death." Bina said as she checked to see if she chipped her black nail polish.  
  
"Well, do you think we have what it takes to fight the forces of DARKNESS AND ALL EVIL?! OUWIE!" She said standing up for a dramatic affect and then falling from her bruised knee.  
  
"I'm not quite sure YOU have what it takes to fight the forces, as you put it." Bina said smirking.  
  
"...Shut up..." Kiki mumbled "Besides, he was big, and attacking ish... you know, with the big teeth and such." She added extending her arms to show how big his teeth were.  
  
"They were more like this..." Bina said as she brought Kiki's arms in so that there was only about half and inch between her hands.  
  
"I'm going to phone Nee, she should know about this." Bina said picking up the phone.  
  
"God forbid anything tries to eat her..." She said dialing the number.  
  
"Now Marc on the other hand..." Kiki said referring to Nee's boyfriend.  
  
^ ^  
(VV)  
  
  
"I am so the leader," Nee said grabbing a handfull of popcorn as they sat watching movies at Kiki's.  
  
"Excuse me? I would think the person who actually KILLED the Vampire should be the leader." Bina said defending her right.  
  
"Yeah but fashion wise it wouldn't look right, see you Bina, have black curly hair, and Kiki has blonde curly hair. You both have a black dusters and I on the other hand have a BROWN one... Also I have STRAIGHT BROWN hair... so it would only be right if it were semetrical, therefore you and Kiki are my right and left hand... you know... people." Nee said making her point clear.  
  
Bina and Kiki looked at eachother, Nee was right in a fashion sense, but this was not fair! it was their discovery and they were the ones to invite Nee to be apart of their slayer trio.  
  
"Nee um... We could just change our hair, or our coats, this is not a matter of fashion or looks but of leadership... and we ALL know you follow me..." Bina said taking a sip of her pop.  
  
"Yeah right, until you listen to me..." Kiki said, and she flipped the channel to something more intersting.  
  
"I was watching that!" Nee said picking a pillow and throwing it at Kiki.  
  
"OK! we have to stop this, we are getting nowhere, now lets just... go out patrolling." Bina said.  
  
"I agree," Kiki voiced and stopped Nee who was ontop of her at that point.  
  
"I do too..." Nee said and they all got up and put on their fashionable coats all while Bina said, "See, this is why I should be the leader."  
  
^ ^   
(VV)  
  
As the girls walked around Kiki's not so safe neighbourhood, they were still fighting over leadership.  
  
"If Buffy were here this would be so easy. She would be the leader."  
  
"Kiki, you do realize that Buffy is a fictional character, F-ik-shun-al, kar-ak-toor," Nee said saying the words slowly and somehow remembering the syllables in sign language.  
  
"Yeah but isn't there a way we can bring her into our reality?" Kiki asked.  
  
"You mean, like with Magick?" Bina asked interested in this new idea.  
  
"Yeah lil miss witchie Mc Witch. Isn't there something that you know of we can do?" Kiki asked Bina.  
  
"Uh... technically in Wiccan, no. Fantasy lands are really out of the question. Well, not FANTASY lands but television yeah, that's not really real. You know, THEORETICALLY. But I have a different theory..."  
  
"This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on and on my friend." Kiki said mimmicking her friend ranting.  
  
"HOWEVER, I'm sure we can find SOMETHING... if we look at other options." Bina said cutting off Kiki.  
  
"Hey you guys, look." Nee said looking in the direction of the school park. There was a young girl playing on the swing set. She was swinging slowly all by herself under the street lights.  
  
"Isn't it a wee bit late?" Nee asked the other girls.  
  
"Just a bit..." Bina said looking at Kiki's watch that read two a.m.  
  
The women walked up to the little girl cautiously.  
  
"Hey," the little girl said towards the three.  
  
"Hey," The all replied in unison.  
  
Then there was silence, untill Bina nugged Kiki in the ribs.  
  
"OuW!" Kiki complained and took a step forward on behlaf of everyone.  
  
"Yeah um, HI! What's your name?"  
  
"Ellesbeth."  
  
"Hey Ellie, isn't it a little late for you to be out?" Kiki asked.  
  
"My family doesn't care, it's not that big of a deal." Ellesbeth shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, but it's two, are you sure that it would be ok? It isn't safe for a young girl to be out so late after dark." Kiki said sweetly.  
  
"I'm older then you think..." The girl said mysteriously.  
  
Kiki turned her back to the girl and moved towards Nee and Bina.   
  
"What did she say?" Nee asked.  
  
"She said that her family doesn't care, and that she's older then she looks."  
  
"..."  
  
"What?" Kiki asked as Nee and Bina looked between eachother.  
  
"Are you THAT dumb?" Bina stated more then asked.  
  
"Obviously." Nee said.  
  
"WHAT?!" Kiki asked furiously.  
  
"You do realize that she was implying she's a vampire right?" Bina said looking at Kiki with a sacrastic pity.  
  
"Oh, crap! Really?" Kiki said suprised.  
  
"Where did she go?" Nee said looking past Kiki to the empty swing set.  
  
"Uh oh..." Bina said looking around her.  
  
Nee, Bina, and Kiki all stood back to back and pulled the stakes out of their pockets, holding the sharp peices of wood close to there beating hearts.  
  
"We need to calm down, she's all a what five? how hard will it be to kick a five-year-olds ass?" Bina nervously laughed out.  
  
Suddenly, the screaming Ellsbeth ran out from where she was hiding and latched on to Bina's leg.  
  
"OUW! You little..." Bina said trying to kick her off, but the little vampire had latched on.  
  
Nee and Kiki backed up to give Bina some kickin room as she tried to pry the little body off.  
  
"GET OFF YOU LITTLE WENCH!" Bina screamed and pushed the head of Ellesbeth back until she fell on her butt.  
  
"Are you ok?" Kiki asked.  
  
"The brat BIT ME! and she didn't even do it properly! it's little freaks like her that give vampires a bad name! your suppose to make the whole feeding process sexy!"   
  
"Well then, that would be just...........sick." Nee said looking at the little girl whow as getting back up to attack.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" Screamed Kiki as she tackled the girl to the ground and staked her.   
  
There was silence as Ellie became dust and Kiki sat there.   
  
"Where did that come from?" Bina said looking at Kiki.  
  
"I... um, hmm... Well She reminded me of this kid I babysat for." Kiki said getting up and starting her treck back home.  
  
"This is going to be a hard job." Bina said as she followed and Nee soon after. 


End file.
